A recent topic of discussion in my Psychology of Couples Relationships class and something that I am very interested in myself is the idea of long distance relationships. This has been especially relevant in my recent years because of study abroad and the effect it can have on personal relationships. Personally, I believe that long distance can work if both people are willing to contribute and are close enough to commit to making it work. I have the faith that long distance relationships can work and can even bring couples closer together by challenging their commitment.
While I was studying abroad in Sevilla, Spain this past fall, I was in a "complicated" relationship with someone and we both made great effort to communicate and stay close while I was there. We would Skype every once in a while and I tried to call him every day to talk for a few minutes. This worked great for us; we continued our healthy relationship abroad and managed to stay together while I was on the other side of the world. I can't say this made our relationship stronger per say because once I returned to the United States we started drifting apart and eventually terminated our romantic relationship. I don't rack this loss under my study abroad, since we were in contact and remained close while I was gone, but I find it particularly interesting that we began to drift once I was back again. I don't really know the reason for this.
In retrospect, I don't regret being in a romantic relationship while I was abroad, and it worked out wonderfully because we were both willing to commit to our communication and make the conscious effort to stay close. After having this experience, I now realize that it IS possible to make a long distance relationship work and I will certainly draw back from these experiences in my relationships to come. I do, however, regret the fact that it didn't work out between us after I got back and I wish we could still be together, but things happen and some things just aren't meant to be.
While Dr. Markman was talking about this in class I thought of my experiences abroad and made me wonder if couples who are separated by distance for an extended period of time stay together or if they're driven apart by this. I would like to believe that all couples have the power to make their relationship work despite the challenges that come with long distance and I would like to believe that they are reunited with even more compassion and love than ever before. I know this isn't accurate, but I still like to believe it to be so.
This is ESPECIALLY relevant because Fred and I just had a conversation about the possibility of beginning a relationship despite the fact that he will be studying abroad in the upcoming fall. Ultimately it was decided that right now is the wrong time to start a relationship since Fred wants to have a single study abroad experience. I don't blame him, it's understandable that having a romantic relationship with someone while abroad could prevent fun and exciting experiences. But I can't help but wonder, could it still work? Are long distance relationships a plausible idea for couples? I suppose it would be silly to engage in a relationship that has an ultimate end date; who would want that? But I still can't help but wonder.
I think it's humorous that Fred is, in fact, taking the same Psychology of Couples Relationships class and happens to sit right next to me. The first few classes were slightly awkward because Dr. Markman mentioned people who begin relationships that blossom from friendship (relevant to us) and how long distance can affect a relationship (very relevant to us). During these discussions both of us kind of shift uncomfortably and avoid eye contact because we both know these are issues we are currently dealing with in our own ways. Fred is a great friend of mine and I hope I didn't mislead myself into disaster by deciding to pursue him. It was certainly disheartening to hear him say all those things about a long distance relationship, but you can bet your bottom dollar that won't stop me from going after him. I follow my heart, and sure, my heart hasn't always lead me to success when it comes to relationships, but I still follow it, no matter what.
It is a risk to love.
What if it doesn't work out?
Ah, but what if it does.
- Peter McWilliams
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