A burning question I have always wondered is whether or not it's true that you should marry your best friend. People have always told me this, and many of the happy couples I know began as good friends and evolved into lovers over time. Lately this concept has been a struggle for me, as I am currently debating whether or not to initiate a possible romantic relationship with someone I have been friends with since freshman year. It always seems to work out for other people, but I still wonder if the same would work out in our case. Also, for the sake of anonymity, I'll call this man Fred.
I have always considered Fred to be a best friend of mine and I have never really seen him in a romantic way, until recently. A few weeks ago I decided to "evaluate" all of my relationships from the past and all the people I am currently interested in dating. Fred was not in this group since I never considered him a romantic interest. I realized that I have not held any strong romantic relationships in my college life because I am chasing after the wrong type of boyfriend. Freshman and sophomore year I wanted guys who were strong, manly, and romantic. Basically someone who I could show off and feel proud to have on my arm. After my evaluation I realized I was chasing shallow characteristics and superficial men. I reorganized my priorities and figured out that the reason none of these relationships have been successful is because I wasn't happy. Therefore, I simplified my values and decided that all I want out of a relationship is someone who makes me happy.
I thought about all the men in my life and when I came to think about Fred, I remembered all the good times we've had together in the past three years and the fact that there is no such thing as a boring moment with this man. He makes me happy. This hit me like a ton of bricks since I've never seen Fred as a romantic potential, but almost immediately I started to fall for him. The more we saw each other and spent time together the more I came to realize that, yes, this is what I want. I just want to be happy.
As of a few days ago, it has been established that we have feelings for each other and would like to spend more time together on dates and so forth. Aside from this, there are several questions still cluttering my thoughts and preventing me from further pursuing Fred. How will this affect our friendship that we've spent three years building? Would we be able to regress to our original friendship if we broke up? How easy would it be for us to progress our romantic relationship after being friends for such a great amount of time? HOW IN THE WORLD ARE WE GOING TO DO THIS? I have never before pursued one of my friends, so I am anticipating that this will be a great adventure and learning experience. All the relationships I have ever been in began as original romantic interest, not as friendship.
I am also making sure that the physical aspect of this relationship moves at snail speed, because the easiest way (in my opinion) to screw up a romantic relationship is to move too fast and do things that someone isn't necessarily ready for. Whenever Fred and I watch a movie or hang out in his apartment I always sit on a chair rather than on the couch next to him and when it comes time to leave I give him a quick hug and bolt out of there before he has the time to "make a move". I know that my relationship with Fred is currently unstable and undefined, so I am making sure that all of our decisions about whether or not to date stem from our compatibility and feelings for each other rather than physical connections.
I greatly enjoy the "safety bubble" stage of this relationship because it's the stage of mystery and discovery. Everything is up in the air and it takes effort to uncover another person's true feelings and desires. It's like a game of cat and mouse and quite honestly, it's fun. Even though I am aware that the possibility of pursuing a relationship with Fred can damage and even terminate our friendship, I think I am willing to take that leap of faith for the possibility of something more. Ultimately I have to decide whether the possible benefits of pursuing him outweigh the possible risks of damaging the friendship. In the mean time, I plan to continue moving at glacial speed until we can uncover the true meaning underlying our friendship.
Faith makes all things possible . . . Love makes all things easy.
- Dwight L. Moody
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